i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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