there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
