she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
