areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
