I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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