My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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