Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
