Sry I called you an 8
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
