As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
