they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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