between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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