they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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