I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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