No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
