I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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