if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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