He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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