3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
