So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
