I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
