doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
