I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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