you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
