Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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