What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
