Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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