waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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