i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
