so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
