the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
