but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Someone signed my nipple.
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