I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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