I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
