i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
