the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
