i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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