My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
