that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
