party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
