Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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