windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
