the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
