I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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