Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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