Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
