girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
