how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
