What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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