thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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