The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
