You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
