Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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