Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
