I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
