Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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