maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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