he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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