that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
