dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
did i walk over a car last night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
