STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
