My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
