If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
