she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
