somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
