Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
