oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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