I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
