did you get engaged???
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
