I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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