I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
