I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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